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PACK YOUR BAGS, YOU'RE GOING ON A GUILT TRIP! I've known since I was 3 months pregnant that Chris and I were slated to go on a trip for work when the baby was just a few months old. You saw me agonize over the decision in an earlier blog and now I'm back from the islands and everyone survived just fine! However, as you may have surmised from my blog title, there were some tears. As all of you parents know, leaving the kids takes planning to make sure everything on the home front is ready to go for the sitter (grandma in this case). I spent my maternity leave making sure the freezer was full of milk so Kanyon would have plenty. Yeah... I went a little overboard and the freezer is still half full! We also stocked up on diapers and made sure every stitch of laundry was done and grandma had stuff to eat as well. Once my to-do lists were accomplished, then the mommy panic set in. When I started packing my bags, the tears started flowing. Chris spent days reassuring me and I spent many phone calls asking my mom if I was doing the right thing. They both helped me realize it would be fun for Kanyon to have grandma all to himself and it would be good for me to get some sleep before returning to work full time. Ever since the commercials for the Hawaii trip started, some viewers have asked me, "are you really going to leave that baby?" "Can't you take him with you?" "What about your milk supply?" Believe me, I've thought the same things! I had enough mom guilt for all of us put together! Regardless, the day came when we had to get on the plane and I coped by calling home before we left and by scrolling through the 966 pictures I had stored in my itouch thing. Once we landed in Hawaii, the great trip began and it was hard to be sad with the fabulous people we were traveling with. We kept busy which helped me keep my mind off missing Kanyon so much. I also called home twice a day and got to listen to my little honey boy coo and hear from grandma how things were going. She had no problems, he was the great little baby he's always been and she was so glad to get that special time with him. BABIES EVERYWHERE! I thought I was fine as we strolled along the shops of Honolulu, until I started seeing all the strollers! A lot of people apparently manage to take their little ones on the 8 hour plane ride (long time) and make it to the islands with babies in tow. Every time a stroller rolled by, I cried. I did not realize I would have a physical ache, literally being able to feel my body react to being away from my baby boy. It didn't help that I had to pump every 4 hours. You can't help but be reminded then! The trip continued with little moments like that. On our last day, we found great beach chairs where we could enjoy the last hour of free time on the ocean when I look up from my book to see a 1-year-old waking up from a nap in the cabana right in front of me. That's when I really lost it. The tears weren't trickling, they were like the surf rolling down my cheeks. Chris looked at me and said the usual, "hun... are you crying?" When the harder cry started, he reminded me, "there's no crying on the beach!" I laughed and pulled myself together for the group dinner. Now don't get me wrong... I don't regret taking the trip. It was fantastic! We had so many "bucket list" moments there! We learned so much about Hawaii, surfed, snorkeled and had the amazing fortune to actually scuba dive with sea turtles! I was so happy we got to do that! I just know now that my life has changed so much. Now when I look at the ocean, I think to myself, "Kanyon will love swimming." When I see colorful fish, I think "I can't wait for him to see this!" I see the world in a different way now and that's a-ok. MOMMA'S HOME When we got back to Eau Claire, we said goodbye to our new friends and I had to tell them not to take it personally if I burned rubber out of the parking lot! We got home and I'm pretty sure Chris hadn't put the car in park yet when I went bounding out! I was already crying by the time I reached the doorknob, knowing my long-awaited snuggle was just on the other side of the door. I was worried he wouldn't remember me or worse... that he'd be scared of us or something. Luckily, he just studied me for a long time before finally smiling. He was just as sweet, as he got used to Chris' newly tanned face. Needless to say, I didn't put him down the rest of the night. It felt so good to be home again. Kanyon picked right back up on nursing and has been amazing that way. We didn't miss a beat and have some cute pictures from grandma's time with him! We had a wonderful trip and came away with so many memories and new friends too! I will never forget our fantastic experiences in Hawaii! Someday I'll tell Kanyon all about it and how that trip made me realize I am a full-fledged momma now.
Kanyon with his trinket from the trip
He had a great time with grandma Think Grandma Stokes had fun with Kanyon? :) NOTE TO READERS: My blog will soon be moving to www.momseveryday.com! I'll let you know when it happens and show you where to find it on the new website devoted to moms! |
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